The Onion has put out a new spoof: “China’s Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government Is.”

For English and Chinese readers who are unfamiliar, Andy Rooney is the old curmudgeon who ends every episode of CBS’s “60 Minutes” with a rant about how difficult or unnecessary he finds some aspect of modern life — a jar he can’t open or a computer he can’t figure out. He is rarely ever political, having gone to great lengths to avoid giving an opinion about the two major presidential candidates this past Fall. But on all other matters he is an incessant sourpuss.

The Onion’s version, a so-called Chinese Andy Rooney, riffs on an obvious sore spot in Chinese media: censorship and self-censorship. The irony may seem a bit heavy-handed here, but it works well if the viewer keeps in mind the original Andy Rooney’s format — itself already a leaden approach to commentary — as a foil for this character’s style.

The skit also deserves credit for pulling off something fairly rare: an American-produced, Chinese-language parody of an American figure, subtitled in English, and intended primarily for an America-savvy, English-speaking audience.

A girl who wrecked a KTV room in June was given a four month sentence last week.

Will at Imagethief delves into the red tape of having an “illegal child”:

There were some things that I anticipated. In my mind I had a pretty clear idea of the set of bureaucratic steps we’d need to go through for Imagethief Jr., a.k.a. “Z”. 1) Apply for passports (Z is a dual citizen so there are two passports). 2) Apply for visa. 3) Apply for certificate of temporary residency. Simple. Easy. Logical.

And missing one critical step. I didn’t know that I’d have to actually register Z’s birth separately with the Chaoyang District police. After all, it wasn’t like I’d bought a weapon or imported an exotic car. It’s a baby, fer chrissake. The only things he’s a threat to are diapers, teething rusks and the sleeping habits of his parents. …

‘As a foreigner are legally required to report the birth of your baby to the police within thirty days. Your baby is seventy-seven days old. That means he has been illegal for forty-seven days.’

Atlantic senior editor Corby Kummer draws a straight line from China’s food scares today to America’s “Jungle” 100 years ago:

So far there’s no evidence that U.S. products contain milk powder tainted with melamine, a toxic chemical used in plastics (think 1950s tableware) whose nitrogen raises protein levels in tests. But the day isn’t far off. Already the FDA has issued warnings to avoid poor White Rabbit, and also Mr. Brown brand instant coffee and tea.

The Chinese government hasn’t executed anyone connected with the scandal, which has killed four infants and sickened 53,000 people. But it will have to do something to convince people that it wants to keep its promise last year to crack down on lax inspections and corruption. And a long article this weekend in The New York Times about the reports of sick babies the government squelched in order to avoid negative publicity leading up to the Olympics will only make the world less confident in any food from China they buy…

CNN’s Kyung Lah talks to a Chinese lawyer pushing for and against the system:
“Attorney Li Fangping hoped to help, forming a nationwide network of 124 volunteer lawyers offering free advice to the parents, and legal representation if they want to sue the milk companies for damages. But his efforts landed him in trouble…”

The first lawsuit again Sanlu:

“BEIJING - The parents of a baby allegedly sickened by tainted infant formula are suing the dairy at the heart of China’s contaminated milk scandal, state media reported, as 15 more companies were accused Wednesday of producing spiked products.

From the time of birth, the 1-year-old in central China’s Henan province was fed infant formula made by Sanlu Group Co., according to a report by Caijing, a leading Chinese business magazine.

The report says the case is believed to be the first civil lawsuit filed in response to the melamine contamination of liquid milk, yogurt and other products made with milk. Four infants have died and some 54,000 have become ill after drinking the contaminated formula, which has been linked to kidney stones…”

An interview with Chinese lawyer Li Fangping:

SPIEGEL: Some provincial governments have allegedly instructed lawyers not to take on cases related to the powdered milk scandal. Will this inhibit your work?

Li: Such cases exist, and we criticize them. The authorities have also called us in to tell us we should trust the party and the government.

SPIEGEL: Has state pressure had the desired effect?

Li: Yes, some colleagues already announced that they will leave our lawyers’ consortium…

A list of the 10 worst laws in China — what they say, and what they really do:

“State Security Law, Article 4

What it says: Lists specific acts that endanger state security, but are still vague enough to encourage arbitrary enforcement.

What it does: Activists and journalists are often prosecuted for Clause 1— ‘plotting to subvert the government, dismember the State or overthrow the socialist system,’ or Clause 3—’stealing, secretly gathering, buying, or unlawfully providing State secrets.’ According to human rights researcher John Kamm, 99 percent of people tried for endangering state security are convicted.”